September 1, 2005 Pily emails me again and I email her back..

It's such a great day for me. I really don't know what to say, but be happy.. What is this thing we call happiness? The only reason that I am happy is that I heard from an old love which is about 23 years ago. This reminds me of a time when I was young and dumb and full of c....
Well, I really don't know what to feel.... It's a great feeling, so enjoy it while it last...

I was thinking of Pily today which you have to remember I thought pily was Lilly..
Pily makes me sick... She makes me more sick when I spend time with her.... I really don't know what to think.... The issue is who do you love?
Now, this is the great delision that which she emailed and said hello then all my problems go away? No! they don't..

Everything is still the same , nothing has changed it's just a state of mind...

True happiness is being happy with yourself. Yes, I have found this out a long time ago. Thanks to Sensei Shoji...

I have also learned this through my zen studies and have become a better person today.. Yes, this has been my goal..

I own nothing and I posses nothing and thinks come and go..

It's only when you try to control you drive yourself nuts...

I guess, I am much more mature today to meet pily. But, if we do, I come from a place of Security and truth.. I can see through this past illusion..

A. don't jump in to rescue or give money..
B. Remember she was only a friend which she never gave a rat ass about you.
c. Also remember that you have found true happiness in pily and other friends you have come to know...
I can't lose all my values for an illusion that is twentthree years old...
The past is the past....

You must move on and accept things..

O.k. once you get pass all this bullshit, you can be a friend and that is all.

Say, hello, great to see you and that is all..

Don't step into or offer stuff you can't provide... Just be a friend...

I still love my pily and my asian friends which I will not lose all this on a illusion...
I have come to realize how illusions can lead our minds to wander, but realize what is true...

Truth is my only friend...

Dr. V
Fear is a cowards excuse and a wise mans councel...

If, you have fear which you do, you can realize you have a wise mans councel and always be open to the truth...

Thank you Mom And Dad for teaching me the truth....

Lies are illusions that can trap us...

Thannks Again....

Frank Martinez